Post 8 -- Introducing the felons of OkC! Or some of them anyway

I don't know what made me think of writing a post about felons. I suppose I was just bored and thinking what to write and the felon idea came to mind. Mainly because if you're a felon, why would you mention it on a dating website?

I suppose it is something that someone should mention to someone before you go out with them. I'm really curious if someone who is a felon also looks for someone who is a felon. Speaking of I did a google search and found this felon dating site. Obviously it is under construction, but I thought it was pretty funny that felons are a target audience for dating. What kind of questions would they ask?

I'm looking for someone who has murdered a puppy
I really enjoy assaulting police officers
Running around naked in public is my favorite activity
I like to steal things from Wal*Mart in my free time


I'm sure I could go on and on about that. Anyway I decided to pull a few profile snips together. Give a round of applause to the felons of OkC!

First up Dianamatrix!!!



First thing I'm wondering is why in the world does a felon have a GUN!? Is that legal? I guess if it isn't there's not much she can lose in this case. Need a housewife fast? Go get yerself a felon. Not only can she cook and clean but she'll shoot a bitch in the face! Protection and care all in one easy package!

Second to bat is GATEBOY!



The spelling in this profile = horrendous. I actually cringed reading through it. But there you have it under private things he surely is felon material. A chef you say? I like how he wants to run his own "resteraunt". I wonder what the menu would look like... Speeshalz of da day -- Crack-a-roni N cheeze... Something along those lines yeah? What does gateboy even mean? He left the gates of prison and can now fly free like a BEAUTIFUL EAGLE!

And now PlayingToWin!



This guy actually used his mugshot as his profile picture. I don't need to say anything else about this one. I did find him on wikipedia though with google image search and I GUESS he is famous for some arrest in Texas on new years with the police. You can find that here

Ahem DAVOICEOFREASuN



News flash he spelled reason incorrectly. I like how he said he's NOT anti-social yet all of his friends are online. Maybe I should be his friend. I'm also pretty sure advertising you haven't had sex in five years is not a turn on. I wonder how many times he janks it a day. I also wonder what he did to be a felon. My guess is da drugz.

I'm just gonna post two with no comments and then show you the last two whoppers I enjoyed.





Funniest one I saw was Imnotguilty which first of all made me laugh but the kicker was his profile



Again his real mugshot as a profile photo. That first paragraph though I thought was real until I realized it wasn't. That would have been pretty funny though. I'll give it to the kid, he has a good sense of humor... for a felon... ^_^

And to end it is FrauHolle She was the most shocking!



Now I'm not sure how true this all is, but that is in fact her mugshot. I couldn't find anything via image search, but if all that is true *shivers* scary.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Let me know what you would like to see next!

Much love
Tanya

Post 7 -- Merry X-mas to you... and ME! I'm buying a vibratorrrr

Ok so I'm going to go against the grain here and not make a post about OkC or dating websites for a second because this is my blog and I do what I want. FIRST OFF HAPPY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever you celebrate. Enjoy it, enjoy it lots. I'm on call, but I got to spend yesterday with my sister, brother in law and their kids and that's all that matters, plus this morning.

I'm back in Leland to be on call. Which should be a relaxing evening with John watching some movies and giggling. ANYWAY

I decided for myself this Christmas that I was going to buy a new sex toy. I'm tired of my vibrator so I said, "Meh, spend 50 bucks on yourself whatever" I'm not sure if buying a vibrator is what Jesus would have wanted me to do, but whatever. I'm not religious so it doesn't matter. I take that back, it does matter! Let me take a minute here:

Thank you baby Jesus for being born or else I wouldn't have had an excuse to buy myself a sex toy. Now I can have sex with myself instead of bar douches. You've probably saved me from getting an incurable disease.

Ok now that's out of the way

It literally took me an hour and a half to make a decision. I'm perplexed though. I ordered off of Adam & Eve's website. I wanted the free shipping so I ordered a few things and they also threw in a gift if you spend more than 29 bucks (weird number) so I went with the waterproof pocket rocket. (Why not I can use it when I'm driving or something)...

When I went to check out they also gave me an option for a "mystery toy" so OF COURSE I clicked yes. When I get my order in about a week I can't WAIT TO TELL YOU WHAT IT IS! Reading online some people got some weird ass shit. This one guy got a huge glass butt plug and another lady ended up getting like a huge double ended dildo. Obviously things MOST people would never use. I've decided if I get any of those things they might have to go on the mantle. Just sayin'

Just as a teaser I will be writing about OkC and FELONS in my next post. Which will probably be tomorrow evening. I'm still compiling all the details. Woo.

Much love
Tanya

Post 6 -- NEW LAPTOP and so it continues

Although my posting has been quite lacking, the OkC world HAS NOTTTTT... What else is new right??

I've changed my profile quite a bit since last updating and have cut some sections down. Mainly my message me if which I will post below:

I had a bunch of junk in here before. Just do it. I need some friends around here/adventure. Just don't be a complete douche ok? Have some intelligence, laugh a lot, and be healthy... I think we will do alright from there.

Sometimes I do take awhile to reply so be patient.

Also if you're a man with a sweet beard, rough hands, or an amazing ass please message me. I'll want to touch either one of those things ;)

The bolded part was the big kicker. Now these are three things I love in a man. Facial hair, ASS (oh I love staring at asses especially at work), and rough hands. Explanations... pfft I don't need any.

Regardless here are some of the responses I have gotten... with photos included...

Very small photos mind you but still. As always links to the profile if you have access. Let them bitch at me I CARE NOT.



I commend the effort. And he's not bad looking, but don't demand for me to check your ass out... or put it out there that MAYBE IF I'M LUCKY I can check it out sometime. I'll look at your ass when I want and where I want and you probably won't even know. Ok, so that was a light one to get you going. Here's a better one.



Let me start off with this guy has a girlfriend. I proceeded to mention this is in a reply. I like how "sometimes" cuddling is "some" of his favorite things as well. AND how are you born without an ass, how do you shit? How do you sit down? Is that humanly possible??? Not to mention (sorry for those guys who are out there) he's too fluffy for my taste. I prefer tall and skinny. He does not fit the bill. The thing I'm wondering is where the fuck is the girlfriend in all of this??? MIA... or he's being a weirdo... I vote both...

No response to this one, the message says it all:



Reply with comments on that one I'm interested as to whether or not I should respond still. I'm curious if he would send me a photo of his actual ass or not...(and if he does I would totally post it)

Keep em coming!



Who says gnarley anymore for one? For two... of course he likes FOOD he's stoned all the time (note the handle on his profile) and he's fluffy. I wonder if he has ever cooked kit kat lasagna. (you'll laugh at that link) What does 22 bitty mean? Am I out of the loop on cool, hip lingo now... or is that a stoner thing?

Man this is getting long my hands hurt... ok two more and then a redemption.



First off look at the lil' profile picture there. If you have access do me a favor and look at his photos... What a moustache I will say but no no no no NO. I mentioned BEARDS not your foot hair or ass hair or whatever HAIR... I can only imagine what his bush looks like. Not to mention if I was to have sex with this man (not even if he was the last on Earth) I would probably be hacking up hairballs for the rest of my life... Wookie gets no nookie... I wonder if he decides what parts he shaves and what parts he doesn't. Or if he shaves designs in his chest hair. These are the things I think about people... sue me...

Ok two more I lied above, I can't help these other two, then redemption... maybe I should have broken this up into two posts... You know what I'm going to save the other two (because I'm sure I'm going to get more gems and I'm wicked hungry) and post a second one soon... I love posting messages I get because this is what I have to deal with!!! Lately I haven't had time to respond to nearly anyone but a select few and the next guy (redemption) I did respond to and am quite pleased that I had. He's pretty gnarley (Think I might have to bring that back)



FINALLY I AM SPEEEEEECHLESS! Seriously I had no idea how to respond to him. After laughing and thinking about it awhile we exchanged messages while I was home for Turkey day and finally met up about a week ago. Can't complain. Beard is great, ass is nice, and he's not a complete douche HOW ABOUT THAT! Actually he's not really a douche at all to be honest. I'm sure if anything it will be a beautiful friendship. And for the record I'm glad he likes women asses and not men asses.

So as you can see, it's hit or miss. That or it depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Sometime later this week (I'm guessing Friday while I do laundry) I'll post some more random messages. Maybe a profile dissection. Who knows.

Much Love
Tanya