Post 5 -- I'm a slacker and a FEMALE PROFILE DISSECTION!

I know I know it's been awhile since I've written. Between starting the new job and the move I haven't had much time to sit down on the computer. Since I just finished paying bills (about 3000 dollars later) I decided it was time to scrounge some gems up.

Luckily I was in downtown Wilmington last night and received a message on my phone from JoeInWilm who directed me to a gem of a profile. Now I didn't read it yet even so this is going to be the fly by the seat of my pants dissection. The only reason why it's happening? He mentioned an interesting photo which I'll get to later. (OH THE SUSPENSE!!!)

Everybody put your hands together for MamatobeFeb8!!!



When I first looked at the intro photo I was a little confused. Mannish to say the least regardless I wanted to save the photos for last. Age 22... Ok not so bad to be having a child... maybe it's her first one... maybe it's EXCITING... boy was I wrong. Traveling down to the self summary I just had a face drop moment.

Mind you this is the longest bit in her profile. Let's see here... List o clock...

Let me list the red flags:

1. She's pregnant with another kid and has two kids she already doesn't see
2. What does my baby has a father but not a daddy mean? Isn't that the same thing? Sperm donor? Whoops I fucked some random dude and decided not to use birth control even though I already have two kids I can't support? *shakes head*
3. Going through a divorce, gee I wouldn't have guessed that one
4. She likes to flirt and tease? I think someone should edit that to "I like to suck and fuck" clearly this chic has some issues ...
5. She goes on about how you aren't obligated to message her, well hunnie I have some news. With all of that baggage listed on your profile I don't think you'll be getting very far. Clearly you failed at being a single mother twice so I don't understand what is going to be so different from the first two failures.

Ok I'm probably being a little harsh right now but I mean let's get serious here. Clearly this chic shouldn't be on a dating site let alone allowed to reproduce. A bit of a touchy subject for myself considering there are so many people out there who can't create life and then we have people like this who pop out children like it's going out of style. Then the kids turn out even more fucked up that their parents and they do the same thing! Talk about a vicious cycle. Ok enough ranting about that

The rest of her profile was kind of drab. The point being if you're going to be on a dating website you need to be honest but geez louise. If I was a dude reading this profile I would be like RUN RUN NOWWWWW.

First things people notice:



Wow she's preggo... her titties not a surprise... or her eyes!? Weird combo I'd say...



HAS KIDS AND WANTS MORE!? You couldn't even take care of 2, you have a 3rd on the way and YOU WANT MORE. This is why the world is full of a bunch of broke ass people living off of welfare but still walking around with smartphones and ugg boots... Was that a little racist, a little mean??? I don't give a shit... use some fucking birth control... and don't get on a dating website if you're squeezing kids out left and right... clearly you just want a sperm donor...

Now here's the kicker. Dating website and I go to look at her photos...



If anyone sends her a message I would be super surprised... I have no words... Enjoy that kiddos. I'm really thinking once I get a new laptop I'm going to be vlogging because this is so much effort. Comments are appreciated.

Much Love
Tanya

Post 4 -- Profile Deconstruction #1 uncutone97

Today I am just going to go ahead and pick apart a single profile. I know it’s kind of mean, but I can’t really resist doing that sometimes. And hey who knows maybe it will end up in him finding someone but I highly doubt that.

This guy was one of my stalkers so I had to check his profile out, although he didn’t have a photo for me to look at or anything. Just a match percentage, which turned out to be 84%, which he deserved with over 500 questions answered. So here’s that shot:



The name alone through me off. Uncutone97. Here’s my train of thought

1. He has a foreskin
2. 97 is significant for something, maybe when he lost his virginity, so if he’s 34 now, that means he lost it at about 19
3. 2012-34=1978 –> 1997-1978=19

Sure I’m a weirdo. So I start reading his profile.



The naked thing I was like “Ok I can live with that I’m naked a lot of the time”… Then I read his three words, which used to be on OkC towards the top of your profile but they did away with it. His three words “I’m big, fat, and horny….” GREAT. So now I have this image of a very hairy fat dude, sitting around with his uncut pean hanging out while watching pornography and thinking about the time he lost his virginity at 19… I hesitate but continue to read



Seems like this guy likes to drink and work… basically what I do… nothing to see here carry on



Good with his hands and a giggle… which means he’s talking about vagina fondling… OR maybe he’s really good at painting those little tiny figurines… since clearly he has no social life outside of drinking and work… Now that I think about it his hands probably shake too much from DTs so he probably can’t paint those little things… Ok ok, he’s good with his hands therefore he is good at picking up the pint and putting it down. GOT IT

Oral things? Like eating drinking ect? HORSE WHISPERER!? Go here for a good laugh that talks about horse whispering…. Kind of.



I got really confused here, but then when I looked at his details I noticed he was 6’7” (supposedly) JESUS FUCKING CHRIST 6’7”!? HOW DOES HE DO ANYTHING!? Now I understand why he’s naked all of the time, he can’t find any clothing that fits him…. Just snuggies… or really big t shirts… or IDK… man… by the “I was as short as you a half hour ago” I think he is referring to his “monster” penis. Which probably isn’t that monster like anyway.



So here we’re looking at the typical answers for the first two. Then sex in all ways and forms…

1. With my right hand
2. With my sex toys
3. With my left hand
4. other weird soft things

Imagination for his addiction to masturbation, his own place to hang out for privacy from masturbation, and he gets up in the morning to relieve himself of his massive morning wood… I think I got everything pinned down pretty well, how about you?



How to make your next million? Does that mean that he already has made a million!? I’d like to know.



Length of foreskin? Like how do you even measure that? Why would someone want to measure that? Why would someone want to KNOW that?



I didn’t note what he was looking for, but he doesn’t mention casual sex. For someone who has a profile filled with sex references you would think that would be something. The whole lonely thing with the message me if proves the masturbation references above.

Ok so I’m a little harsh, but honestly as a woman, would you even bother to message someone like that? Personally I think a first date would = coffee served with a side of rape.

Until next time
Much Love
Tanya