Post 3 -- Sex messages Pt 1. These people are crazy

I was thinking about writing a few things today. I’ve been going through messages from before the end of time. Seriously. These things are from 2010 and some of them are still funny to read. My profile has evolved a lot over the past how-ever many years I have had it on the site, so some messages are strictly geared towards points in my profile.

I think for awhile I was so caught up in school and so deprived of sex I mentioned something along the lines of “If I could have sex with my textbooks I would, and I would never leave my room” Thinking about it now I really need to go through my profile and weed things out. I believe when I get to NC I’ll be doing a very big revamp of everything involved.

I only say that because there is no point having a super long profile if guys aren’t going to read it. I’ve come to the conclusion that they are worse than 2 year olds and have an attention span of about three seconds.

I decided sex is the way to go with these messages today. I could write about a million blog posts with these sex messages, but I’ll start off with just this one post ... for now. Starting with my favorite as always:



Seriously? I am assuming that he means I’m sexy. I also didn’t know that guys “sucked” pussy. I thought the art of vag eating was more of… licking… and minor sucking… like on the clit or something. For some reason when I read this I think of someone putting their mouth on the vagina hole and sucking… How is that pleasurable? Not to mention the visual I have is far from pleasant. Like a hoover vacuum on... nevermind

Here’s another good one



I think he meant to say “Hello! What type of sex style do you prefer? Oh sorry that could be confusing, would you prefer to be fucked missionary or doggie style?”



This one confused me. He thought I wasn’t my age? Did I look too old or too young? Shit that was two years ago so probably young. I hope. Why would I want to dance with this guy? Ok so not really geared on sex but there was a boner inference in there. Then again he might have had to change his pants because he either shit or pissed from excitement I don't know. He jizzed in his pants... from looking at a profile.... He might have problems in the bedroom too.



I don’t think I need to say anything…. Ok maybe one thing, WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GET THAT FROM?

Now this slew of next ones made me giggle as you can see:



I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not… but then I get these next two





So he goes from me wanting to do film and making a ton of money. To wanting me. Does this mean he’s attracted to sluts? OR does this mean that he lures women in with the idea of an adult film and then decides to rape them instead. You decide.



For one I don’t have an office I have a cubicle. For two… WHAT LOVE CHAIR!? Is he going to bring this love chair or am I. What is a love chair? Is it a sex swing? I had so many questions but I just couldn’t respond. If you have the answer to any of those, leave me a comment, or email me.



Hence the one-three word disclaimer in my profile. Sometimes I’ll respond. I did for awhile because my status was always “replies rarely” or “replies selectively” or some shit like that. To increase that I thought I would respond to everyone. That’s the kind of shit I got all the time. So no, I don’t respond to short messages anymore. You can find his profile here. Let me know if you think his photos are real or fake. And ladies who knows maybe you could go have some fun... or not... I wonder if his messages actually work...

The worst one by far:



I won't lie I have used OkC strictly for hookups before and I think this message might have stemmed from it. What a weird fucking fetish. Do girls actually do this for him? I won’t lie I did talk to one guy on OkC for awhile that had a thing for girls smoking cigarettes. I used to hop on Skype and let him watch me smoke cigarettes while I did my homework. I didn’t watch him ever but I can only imagine he was shooting jizz all over his keyboard and computer screen.

Regardless these are just some of the fucked up things that I see on OkCupid. Don't forget to like my facebook page by clicking here. I'll get a like box for it soon enough when I get some time. If you think anyone else will get a laugh spread the word around. You can email me any weird stories or emails or anything for that matter that you get. I would love that.

Much love
Tanya