Post 6 -- NEW LAPTOP and so it continues

Although my posting has been quite lacking, the OkC world HAS NOTTTTT... What else is new right??

I've changed my profile quite a bit since last updating and have cut some sections down. Mainly my message me if which I will post below:

I had a bunch of junk in here before. Just do it. I need some friends around here/adventure. Just don't be a complete douche ok? Have some intelligence, laugh a lot, and be healthy... I think we will do alright from there.

Sometimes I do take awhile to reply so be patient.

Also if you're a man with a sweet beard, rough hands, or an amazing ass please message me. I'll want to touch either one of those things ;)

The bolded part was the big kicker. Now these are three things I love in a man. Facial hair, ASS (oh I love staring at asses especially at work), and rough hands. Explanations... pfft I don't need any.

Regardless here are some of the responses I have gotten... with photos included...

Very small photos mind you but still. As always links to the profile if you have access. Let them bitch at me I CARE NOT.



I commend the effort. And he's not bad looking, but don't demand for me to check your ass out... or put it out there that MAYBE IF I'M LUCKY I can check it out sometime. I'll look at your ass when I want and where I want and you probably won't even know. Ok, so that was a light one to get you going. Here's a better one.



Let me start off with this guy has a girlfriend. I proceeded to mention this is in a reply. I like how "sometimes" cuddling is "some" of his favorite things as well. AND how are you born without an ass, how do you shit? How do you sit down? Is that humanly possible??? Not to mention (sorry for those guys who are out there) he's too fluffy for my taste. I prefer tall and skinny. He does not fit the bill. The thing I'm wondering is where the fuck is the girlfriend in all of this??? MIA... or he's being a weirdo... I vote both...

No response to this one, the message says it all:



Reply with comments on that one I'm interested as to whether or not I should respond still. I'm curious if he would send me a photo of his actual ass or not...(and if he does I would totally post it)

Keep em coming!



Who says gnarley anymore for one? For two... of course he likes FOOD he's stoned all the time (note the handle on his profile) and he's fluffy. I wonder if he has ever cooked kit kat lasagna. (you'll laugh at that link) What does 22 bitty mean? Am I out of the loop on cool, hip lingo now... or is that a stoner thing?

Man this is getting long my hands hurt... ok two more and then a redemption.



First off look at the lil' profile picture there. If you have access do me a favor and look at his photos... What a moustache I will say but no no no no NO. I mentioned BEARDS not your foot hair or ass hair or whatever HAIR... I can only imagine what his bush looks like. Not to mention if I was to have sex with this man (not even if he was the last on Earth) I would probably be hacking up hairballs for the rest of my life... Wookie gets no nookie... I wonder if he decides what parts he shaves and what parts he doesn't. Or if he shaves designs in his chest hair. These are the things I think about people... sue me...

Ok two more I lied above, I can't help these other two, then redemption... maybe I should have broken this up into two posts... You know what I'm going to save the other two (because I'm sure I'm going to get more gems and I'm wicked hungry) and post a second one soon... I love posting messages I get because this is what I have to deal with!!! Lately I haven't had time to respond to nearly anyone but a select few and the next guy (redemption) I did respond to and am quite pleased that I had. He's pretty gnarley (Think I might have to bring that back)



FINALLY I AM SPEEEEEECHLESS! Seriously I had no idea how to respond to him. After laughing and thinking about it awhile we exchanged messages while I was home for Turkey day and finally met up about a week ago. Can't complain. Beard is great, ass is nice, and he's not a complete douche HOW ABOUT THAT! Actually he's not really a douche at all to be honest. I'm sure if anything it will be a beautiful friendship. And for the record I'm glad he likes women asses and not men asses.

So as you can see, it's hit or miss. That or it depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Sometime later this week (I'm guessing Friday while I do laundry) I'll post some more random messages. Maybe a profile dissection. Who knows.

Much Love
Tanya

Post 3 -- Sex messages Pt 1. These people are crazy

I was thinking about writing a few things today. I’ve been going through messages from before the end of time. Seriously. These things are from 2010 and some of them are still funny to read. My profile has evolved a lot over the past how-ever many years I have had it on the site, so some messages are strictly geared towards points in my profile.

I think for awhile I was so caught up in school and so deprived of sex I mentioned something along the lines of “If I could have sex with my textbooks I would, and I would never leave my room” Thinking about it now I really need to go through my profile and weed things out. I believe when I get to NC I’ll be doing a very big revamp of everything involved.

I only say that because there is no point having a super long profile if guys aren’t going to read it. I’ve come to the conclusion that they are worse than 2 year olds and have an attention span of about three seconds.

I decided sex is the way to go with these messages today. I could write about a million blog posts with these sex messages, but I’ll start off with just this one post ... for now. Starting with my favorite as always:



Seriously? I am assuming that he means I’m sexy. I also didn’t know that guys “sucked” pussy. I thought the art of vag eating was more of… licking… and minor sucking… like on the clit or something. For some reason when I read this I think of someone putting their mouth on the vagina hole and sucking… How is that pleasurable? Not to mention the visual I have is far from pleasant. Like a hoover vacuum on... nevermind

Here’s another good one



I think he meant to say “Hello! What type of sex style do you prefer? Oh sorry that could be confusing, would you prefer to be fucked missionary or doggie style?”



This one confused me. He thought I wasn’t my age? Did I look too old or too young? Shit that was two years ago so probably young. I hope. Why would I want to dance with this guy? Ok so not really geared on sex but there was a boner inference in there. Then again he might have had to change his pants because he either shit or pissed from excitement I don't know. He jizzed in his pants... from looking at a profile.... He might have problems in the bedroom too.



I don’t think I need to say anything…. Ok maybe one thing, WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GET THAT FROM?

Now this slew of next ones made me giggle as you can see:



I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not… but then I get these next two





So he goes from me wanting to do film and making a ton of money. To wanting me. Does this mean he’s attracted to sluts? OR does this mean that he lures women in with the idea of an adult film and then decides to rape them instead. You decide.



For one I don’t have an office I have a cubicle. For two… WHAT LOVE CHAIR!? Is he going to bring this love chair or am I. What is a love chair? Is it a sex swing? I had so many questions but I just couldn’t respond. If you have the answer to any of those, leave me a comment, or email me.



Hence the one-three word disclaimer in my profile. Sometimes I’ll respond. I did for awhile because my status was always “replies rarely” or “replies selectively” or some shit like that. To increase that I thought I would respond to everyone. That’s the kind of shit I got all the time. So no, I don’t respond to short messages anymore. You can find his profile here. Let me know if you think his photos are real or fake. And ladies who knows maybe you could go have some fun... or not... I wonder if his messages actually work...

The worst one by far:



I won't lie I have used OkC strictly for hookups before and I think this message might have stemmed from it. What a weird fucking fetish. Do girls actually do this for him? I won’t lie I did talk to one guy on OkC for awhile that had a thing for girls smoking cigarettes. I used to hop on Skype and let him watch me smoke cigarettes while I did my homework. I didn’t watch him ever but I can only imagine he was shooting jizz all over his keyboard and computer screen.

Regardless these are just some of the fucked up things that I see on OkCupid. Don't forget to like my facebook page by clicking here. I'll get a like box for it soon enough when I get some time. If you think anyone else will get a laugh spread the word around. You can email me any weird stories or emails or anything for that matter that you get. I would love that.

Much love
Tanya